Seeing Mom

After so many tears for one thing or another, I somehow made it to mom’s today. It was unplanned rather instinctive. I met her. We both went quite for a few minutes not knowing what really to say to one another. I looked at her. She just could not get any older that she already is. Spiritually mom is ever so strong and she got beads in her hands. I watched her from the other side of the room in her small house and I didn’t know if she was seeing me clearly. She might have bad eye sight but to my surprise later I learnt that her eye sight had improved a lot and she started sewing clothes for her other grand kids, other than the ones belonged to my family. Ah! What the heck I thought.
I broke the ice by telling her that I’ve been busy lately and that I’ve been traveling back and forth between here and KL. I knew she would snug my stories just like that but somehow she chose the other path to go softer on me. She must have thought I am such a fragile son. Well, thanks mom, I’d love you as much no matter what. The worse I would do is to stay as far as I can from your view so to keep your anger away.
Well, she asked me about B Antarabangsa thing and I told her that I was staying there just a week before the land slide took place. She was worried and told me not to stay if I ever go to KL again.
She spoke of her regrets over the RM6k I asked her many years ago when I was in the states. I needed that money just to finance my final semester to be able to bring home 2 bachelor’s degree, one a geology and another in economics. She had the money but she needed to use it for her Haj. I told her, its fine and it’s an old story. She sort of decided to bury the issue deep inside, and shed tears. I was telling to myself, mom, I’ve been crying a lot and I can’t cry anymore. So, please don’t cry.
She asked if I already ate, I said I already did. She made me no coffee, probably because she was too tired. I would not ask for one no matter how much I missed her coffee and her curry.
I decided to leave just before my sis in law dropped in.

I took a 50 bucks note from my pocket and put in her hands. Took her hands and kissed once, and I said, this one is for Raya Puasa, please forgive me, mom. I kissed again, and said this one is for Raja Haji, please forgive me mom.
I kissed both of her cheeks and her forehead.
She said that she’d would forgive me even if I never come. I asked if I can kiss her again, this time for next year’s, in advance. Neither of us laughed at the joke
Well, goodbye, mom……