Lupa

biar saja
kau lupa
malah kau tetap
melihat dirimu
di bawa arus
ke satu arah
yang bukan hala tujumu

berteman sajalah engkau
dengan kepura-puraanmu
kau yang mengekang airmata
sedihnya tertanam di hatiku

kerutkan wajahmu
duhai sayangku
menangislah lagi
kali ini sepuasmu
biar berulang-ulang
perit pekik kita
kerana pintu itu
pastikan terbuka

rinduku
doa buatmu

Tak Bersih

Mengapa tiba-tiba
aku terdampar
di pantai
yang penghuninya
memakan
dari pendapatan
yang tak bersih

lalu bengkak
usus-usus mereka
merening di perut
mengalir nanah
dari pusatnya
membawa merah
ke muka mereka

tidakkah mereka tahu
Tuhan melihat
segala perbuatan mereka
yang jelas
atau yang tersembunyi

Aidil Adha

It was quieter than before. Perhaps since the kids are all grown up, wiser.

We kept away. Maybe we just wanna tone down our eagerness to get meat delivered at our front gate. I know, deep inside my wife and kids hearts, they wanted to taste daging korban.

I haven't had a cow korban yet. One day I will, as I save enough.

Like always, a stranger would hang a plastic bag worth almost a kg of meat on the front gate. No salam, no knocking sound. I would admit, daging korban is tastier than the rest. Again, we toned down our excitement. Silently, we voiced the loudest gratitude to God, in our hearts.

We saluted each other's sacrifice throughout this day. We lived a life, holding strongly to the truth which projected so much controversy among my family members, namely the uncles and aunties of my kids.

The kids sacrificed a lot. My wife sacrificed a lot. All I did was, continue fighting this war. It will never stop. I grew even more stubborn.

Adikku

adikku datang
bahkan dia pulang
untuk membasuh mukanya
dalam tatapan wajahku

keletihan
membawanya ke tepian ini
ombak-ombak kecil
bermain di kakinya
angin bertiup
membelai kerudungnya

seketika
bagaikan dia bermenung
di sebuah pusara

aku manusia
masih lagi ada kesedihan
namun kerna dia mengenal
lekas-lekas dia menyapa
barangnya itu abang
tak siapa yang ada

kutatap wajah adikku
berhati-hati
suaminya yang cemburu
berbahagialah kamu
akulah ayah
akulah ibu

bercahaya di mata
anak-anaknya
menghadap aku

Halba

Aku bangga
dengan sejemput
dua jemput
tiga jemput
halba
yang kubawa
ke mana-mana

pesan baginda
berbanding halba
emas tak berharga

pak mat cina
berterima kasih padaku
laluku berkata
aku tak berbuat apa-apa
cuma halba saja

pak lah gila
tersengih luas
giginya tiada
terima kasih uncle
saya rasa sihat dah

sejemput
dua jemput
tiga jemput halba
aku tak berjasa
penawar tidak di tanganku

Tun Mahathir

aku menonton
biografi Tun
di kaca TV
membawakanku
keinsafan diri

Tun mengubati
merawati
upah yang diberi
yang termampu pemberi

berapa ramai menteri
dan penjawat-penjawat tinggi
yang sebegini

kini
setiap yang Tun nasihati
setiap itu tak dipeduli
kata mereka lagi
Tun tak diperlukan lagi

Epilogue Tropikana 1

Malam ini separa suram. Pengunjung hanya sejemput walaupun tidak hujan. Wak, si DJ entah ke mana, tidak lagi sibuk di kaunternya. Baru saja sebentar tadi, perempuan Indonesia katakan sekuat-kuatnya yang Wak berlakun ‘alim. Aku hanya tersenyum kerana jeritan itu diacukan terus kepadaku. Entah apa maksudnya. Mahu diajaknya Wak ‘bergoyang’. Entah apa yang mahu digoyangkan.

Sound system makin melarat. Wak tetap bersabar dengan apa yang dia ada. Tiga teruna Indon begitu asyik mengalunkan lagu. Suara dan bunyi muzik bagaikan selut yang lanyau, beserta kopi o aku yang hampir sejuk, aku jadi melugai.

Namun aku di sini jua. Tetap tak berganjak kerana aku rasakan sesuai. Mungkin di sebalik muzik yang berceramuk ini, aku jumpa kedamaian. Ini tempat yang setara aku. Mungkin disebabkan semuanya yang ada di sini lebih tenang setelah meluahkan stress mereka melalui nyanyian.

Lagu kedua untuk pasangan Indon mula berkeroncong. Lagu ini aku lebih faham walaupun aku tidak tahu apa tajuknya. Sedap juga suara Mat Indon ini, masuk key-nya dengan irama ini.

Wak kembali di tempatnya, dengan kesabarannya. Mungkin dia redha dengan apa yang ada padanya. Dia tenang. Sambil mendengar sekali-sekala, nyanyian pasangan ini terlari keynya. Mungkin tiada pincang suara mereka, Wak sedia tahu ‘wiring’ mikrofonnya bermasalah. Taukenya, Man, terlalu kedekut untuk memperbaiki apatah lagi mencurah sedikit modal untuk membaik pulih system yang ada.

Leha menemani Wak. Mungkin mahu meminta lagu atau hanya nak mengorat saja. Baru semalam Leha membayar RM27 untuk nyanyiannya. Pelik juga bagiku. Selalunya ada abang yang akan belanja mak-mak Indon ini. Tetapi nyata leha berbeza dari mereka yang lain. Nancy dan si kurus entah ke mana. Hilang dalam kegelapan taman nun di depan.

Lagu ketiga, lebih rancak. Namun Wak pula menggaru-garu kepala. Tweeter speakernya perlu diperbaiki, tetapi belum agaknya. Dia masih belum habis bersyukur dengan buku senarai lagu yang aku sediakan. Percuma, tanpa sebarang cas walaupun dia belanjakan aku minum, makan dan selagu dua. Berapa banyak dapat aku makan minum apatah lagi dalam usia begini. Tetapi aku berpuas hati dengan sekadar dapat menolong.

‘maafkan aku…menduakan cintamu..’, melaung si anak Indon ini. Sedap alunannya. Temannya bersetuju, mengangguk-angguk menikmati lagu ini. Dia melaung lagi, untuk kali kedua dalam korus lagu itu. Sambil pemandu kereta sapu yang membawa mereka ke sini tak sabar-sabar mahu pulang. Jam 1.45 pagi sudah lewat baginya. Bagi anak-anak Indon ini, masih awal. Jauh lebih awal.

Rindu

Kadangkala
rindu menjengah
akan kamu

lirik mata
liuk, lentokmu
yang penuh keegoan
duniawi
dan kebendaan

namun kusambut
kasih yang ada
walau ada
suara yang menyanggah

keegoan
duniawi
kebendaan

Meja Bulat

sebuah meja bulat
bagaikan steering
memacu bangsa
ke hadapan
ke arah mana?
berbekal apa?

siapa pula
di keliling meja itu?

apakah Tun
dan Tun
terpinggir?
Sudah tua

mampukah Datuk Seri
dan Datuk-Datuk?

di mana pula
Tuan Guru?

ada juga iri hati
bilaku lihat si Yahudi
menteri silih berganti
tukar folio
seumpama hari-hari
namun mereka tak meminggirkan
lebih hebat lagi
mereka erat berpakat
di mana mereka yang asalnya terancam
kini membuli
kanan dan kiri

Show-off'ers

In my life, I came across of simply so many, so many 'show-off'ers.

There's still millions of hunger victims in Africa. Famine and Ethiopia are synonyms by now.

People are dying from thirst in Gaza.

Hurricanes in the Phillipines left so many homeless. They must be wet. cold and hungry.

And many more of our kids are hungry at home as mom and dad are both away for work. They ate a little before school, a little more during recess, may not find anything on the table when they got home, and dinner will only be served after mom's back from late shift or overtime.

Think of it!

Hanya Satu

hanya satu
yang dipinta
demi kasih

akuilah
hanya dia
dengan kata-kata,
perbuatan
dan hatimu

maka bergemerlapanlah
cahaya suria

dan utuhkanlah
dalam tunduk
dan sujudmu

maka berhadaplah
dengan kebahgiaan
di puncak semesta

Windmills Of Your Mind

(In case, this song is anyone of your favourites)

Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnaval balloon
Like a carousell that's turning
Running rings around the moon

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of it's own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle your head
Why did summer go so quickly
Was it something that I said
Lovers walking allong the shore,
Leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand

Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Khabaran

aku penyampai
sebuah khabaran
untukmu

upahku
hanya nafas yang lega
dan ringan jemala

untukmu
sebuah berita
kerana itu petanda
untuk jalan seterusnya

Open Karaoke

This business grow like mushroom in BM. One or two centers are really huge but others are mini sizes.
Funny though, I could hardly find youngsters there. Most centers are filled with 'veterans'.
They sing, they really sing their hearts out. Some dance. Some really really dance, even faster than the music tempo.

Where are the youngsters? I-net cafe? I hope they found their spots.

And these elderly..is life that pleasant for them??

Ingatan (Untuk Sang BAYU)

apa teringatkah engkau
akan aku
seperti mana jelasnya
ingatanku
terhadapmu

sehingga berdiri
kau di depanku
lalu jelas tampak
alis matamu

masih sempatku selam
se dalam-dalam sanubarimu

andai demikian
maaflah aku pulang
kukira diriku
tetamu yang tak diundang

Bayu

(The same day the MF's photo appeared on my facebook, I found traces of someone I have lost for so many years)

benar sekali
seperti kaujanjikan dulu
bayu kan terus bertiup
menyapa pipiku
siang dan malam

biar berulangkali
ku berpaling pergi
jauh dari tepian
hanya untuk mencari
kegamatan yang membakar

namun kau terus
berpuput lembut
menyapu keringat
dan air mata

MZ, The 1Malaysia Kid

Somehow he took after me. After all that I have done wrong, I may have done something right..for him to be picking up such trait.

I had 2 real great friends when I was his age...Ashvin Mansukhlal and Goik Kian Chai.
He has 2 real great friends...Victor and Syassi..

It seems like a replay of my early age as I watch him with those two together. They simply enjoy being together that all the chemistry seemed right. So much different from one another, yet they share some very unique similarity.

I will make this a case study. I already mentioned that to MZ and wait till I let Vick and Syassi know. I am sure they will all be very excited.

Water Weapon

a story
of a whore
who made it to the heavens
for serving water
to a thirsty dog

a whore
and a dog

today
water is the weapon
to remove people
from their lands

Pondok Beratap Putih

Sebuah pondok
beratap putih
keningnya melabuh
di pinggir dahiku

cukup kebahgiaan
hela nafasnya panjang
berteman kedamaian

harga nama
harta, pangkat
hati
jiwa raga
dan air muka
tak terbeli akannya

Torri, lays eggs (A pet tortoise)

It was 3 weeks ago when Sarah and Nora brought her home. To our surprise, Torri has only 3 legs. We just couldn't find one of her hind legs.

She laid eggs a week ago. 11 of them all in total.

That keeps Akasyah busy researching on the i-net about taking care of tortoises aside from her 30 rabbits.

She's asking me to buy her a horse now. She found out the price and the place to buy already.

Hmm, now imagine...30 horses...

Misteri Sejadah Berdiri

Apatah tertanggungnya nabi
inikan si isteri
dan batu jemala baginda

ataupun berlalu sudah
kehidupan ini
sekadar thomak-ninah
bertahiyyat akhir kini

bila tinggal sejadah
yang sepi solatnya
ntah siapa bertasbih

atau termanggukah di sana Rabiah
giliran Hawakah pula
mengambil alih urusan

atau sebuah khabarkah ia
bencana yang mendatang
terlalu lama sudah
kita dimanjakan
terasa selamat di pangkuan

Al-Aqsa

brothers
cousins
in a rift
at the very front door
of Al-Aqsa
while the fore fathers
watches silently

the ancient buildings
may have lost their expressions
from the sins
of our very own selves

of prejudice
of envy
of greed

and only if
our prayers
made it to God

Ketsana

you came a long way
baby
perhaps
to out-pour vengeance
of the eroding pole

far too much heat
ate the candle sticks away
before too soon
the lights went away

harshly, Ketsana whispers

here's the price we pay
swept away villages
strewn huts
lost souls
and children in hunger

it's our mere ignorance
progression, developments
are truly violations

Padang Quake

faulted
tectonic fury
ripped off lives
of the least expected
whom were in no way
fore-told
of the awakening

it's time for tears
listen to all your fears
when nature
chooses to be fierce
it's the same mother
from whom we nurse

Happy Birthday, Aziz

Thanks. I will be 45 on Oct 6.

Just another day where there is simply nothing to look forward to. I have nothing that I could wish for, except for perhaps health. I wanna watch the kids grow. I wanna see their kids grow too. Never mind being a baby sitter.

At 45, I have accomplished nothing.

History Recollected

Somehow long-lost friends came back. The miracle of i-net brought us back. Numerous nostalgic photos been shown yet many of them seemed unfamiliar to me. I am yet to post one from my collection, yet I think I do not need to.
I never had stood at the same height with the others and never will.

From secondary school to college, up to now, there is a marked difference between my friends and me.

I wished I haven't seen them all back.

Sorry friends, you are always dear to me.

Selamat Hari Raya

masihkah ada lagi
sedetik bahagia
menyapa pergi duka
bila kita dipersenda
diolok-olok mereka
dek sengketa
semenjak bapa
menutup mata
ketika tanah di kuburnya
masih merah

A Time Travel

It's just amazing, as we grow older, we thought the past will just pass by, quietly..until the miracle of the internet..memories just won't erode that easily..

PPSMI

Just when we thought we tailored some changes for the better, we changed our minds. Just as the kids and the teachers are gaining momentum.

We could have been the only country with an education system so unique, so colorful like the rainbow.

Somehow we like the black-and-white version better.

RIP MJ

I know this is far too late, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

May Allah Bless You MJ, RIP.

Your demise surely had brought many tears to my 19 y.o. daughter, somehow she became a fanatic of yours, exceeding me whom grew up in your era, your moon walk. It has never been easy to reach her within, but MJ, you did!

My condolences to the family.

The Times Of Change

Things do really change faster these days. One day economic bloom, but over night a recession. Who does what? Who meddles with what? God knows. You and I are seasoned enough to figure it all out.

How could the earth suddenly is out of water? How could the earth suddenly found herself short of oxygen? How could the energy in the universe suddenly went destructed, not converted. Now do a little bit of your econs 101 with all that.

How the earth has been operating in a laissez fair manner until man got his hand over it and interrupts nature. Now do your econs 101 here as well.

And who are these guys, have you ever thought of that?

 

 

Zubir Ali

I was surprised when a friend called to let me know of Zubir's death on friday.

I have known Zubir for 23 years but managed to meet him for the first time 3 months ago in Bangsar and shared a very short poem with him. Zubir was a very nice and kind person. Very down to earth.

May Allah bless his soul and keep his family strong.

Mentari Yang Terbit

Mentari yang terbit. Panas bahangnya menyuluh kalbuku. Hangat terasa keseluruh jiwa. Jelas ke minda, mataku bercahaya.

Mentari yang terbit sebuah mercu tanda. Menyinari jalanku tiada gelap seketika. Membawa tertumpu segala kesedaranku. Menghalau pergi sedih dan lara. Rupanya aku bukan seorang yang kecewa.

Mentari yang terbitkan terus menyala.

Yatim Piatu

Kukira belumku temui dahannya. Seandai semua rantingku paut rapuh belaka. Kukira belum sampai ketika. Harinya nian kupaut erat dahan yang rendang.

Lalu dalam bersahajaku sedari. Betapa aku tak sedarkan diri. Harapanku semuanya sebenarnya sebuah mimpi. Nikmatnya itu takkan kukecapi.

Aku bersendiri.

Alis Mata

Mataku. Di balik alis matamu. Bercantum semua titik. Menjadi satu. Lalu berputar ia. Bagaikan bola.

Antara air, mata dan suria.

Surat untuk Bapa 1

Salam buat bapa. Ketika hidupmu dulu kukira tak puas kita berbicara. Kukira tak cukup kupinta. Atau telapak tanganku terlalu kecil untuk menerima. Atau usiaku terlalu muda untuk mengerti segala.

12 tahun kita hidup bersama. Terlalu muda untukku dapat semuanya. Kita berpisah bukan seperti yang kita pinta. Hidupku baru bermula bagimu berakhir pula.

32 tahun kulalui belantara. Harinya tiba untukku mengukir tinta. Untukmu kuunjukkan seadanya. Ke destinasiku tak tiba-tiba. Mahu saja kurebah terus, rehat seketika.

Rinduku buatmu bapa. Meski kau ada sentiasa. Menemaniku setiap masa. Adakah kau rasa apa yang kurasa?

Takkan Pulang

Aku takkan pulang. Terus terbang tak seperti helang. Pulangnya ke sarang pabila petang. Akukan pergi tiada menghalang. Takkan sekali kutoleh ke belakang.

Akukan terus berjalan. Jiwaku bebas tak tertelan-telan. Langkahku atur berpayungkan awan. Tiada lagi rindu, tiada kesalan. Aku berjalan ke suatu haluan.

Akukan terus pergi. Pergiku takkan kembali. Rupa asalku tak dikenali. Ah! Agak enak hidup begini. Ada atau tiadaku tak diketahui.