TOMBOY

I have recently read news about a 17 year old SCHOOL girl running away from home with a tomboy partner and gone missing for almost a week by now.
I express my sympathies to the parents and hopefully the girl can either be tracked down or returns home on her own. Having a 17 year old missing from home is definitely something which is very painful to the parents and family members. We can only pray and hope, aside from keeping our eyes open.

A 17 year old is fragile. A girl, not quite yet a woman. At this age, if she starts a habit, it will be with her for a very long time.

I just keep thinking as to how would this kid be involved with a tomboy. I am not about to make value judgements on the sort of relationship they are having or about to have between them. I respect the rights of people of wanting to choose the manner by which they are intimately engaged with another. Be it homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual. What I am interested in, is in fact, how would this extra activity could lure the girl away. Home is not a home if it is not the best place to be at. That is my point while I do not intend to put a blame namely on her parents.

I had an experience with a girl and a tomboy in fact. Both became my friends eventhough they were much younger than I am. The girl, was from a single-parent family came to the city from Grik. And the Tomboy was from somewhere deep in Kedah. I met them both in Penang. It started when the girl and 2 other girls came to see me looking for jobs. I offered them jobs as a helpers at a place where I was running some small trading. They worked just fine, paid them RM500 each plus commission.

One day, the girl came to work black-eyed. It was then after asking I learnt that the girl had been hit by the tomboy during a fight. I went to see the tomboy and wanted to tell her not to hit the girl again. Boy, all I can say was that she was 'manner' than the 'mannest' man. I found it even more surprising when she said to me,"Well, it's normal uncle. Afterall, it is just a rumahtangga thing..'. I sort of choked listening to that.

So the next day, I asked the girl further. She said she had always been hit when they fight. I asked her if they were intimate with one another but the girl's answer was kind of confusing. She didn't want to admit. When I asked further, she told me that she was married, but the tomboy took her away from her husband. Asked if her husband ever came looking for her, she said yes. He was actually been kicked and hit by the tomboy the day he came to her, to take her home. If asked her what about now. She said she would meet her husband at a phone booth near the house she was staying with the tomboy so that the tomboy wouldn't know. I find it very hard to believe and I felt sad for him. Yet, I do not understand why wouldn't the girl just leave, go home with her husband. Well, at the end of it, I decided not to find out more. Afterall, people have the right to choose their partner.

She got hit again, and now decided to run away. She came to see me and asked me to help. I asked her if she wanted me to contact her husband to come a get her, she said, not yet. She needed time to settle down somewhere and then she will on her own call her husband. I managed to find a girl who was staying alone and needed a house-mate to help pay the rent. She moved in and continued working for me. In fact, her brother and dad visited her there a few times. Knowing that, I was quite sure she was ok then. By the way, her mom died when she was only 9. It's a sad thing.

As time passed by, I did actually asked more about her and the tomboy. Yes, they consumed alcohol, smoke, dope and take pills too. I found it very disturbing, I mean dope and pills at that age. I asked what do they do for night-outs and stuff like that, she told me that they are frequent dangdut visitors. And she had once became a GRO there and the tomboy worked as a bartender. I asked her why she wouldn't find other jobs, she told me she liked it there. So, I just kept quiet.

Right after her father's second visit, as I thought that she went home to her husband, her roomie told me she went off again with the tomboy taking all her clothes with her. She moved out. I was so surprised and I could have ignored the whole thing. But I had a sudden urge just to find out what was going on with her. So, I called her previous roomie and asked if she knows where the girl was. She told me just the place I thought. A dangdut and room's upstairs.

I decided to pay her a visit. I never been to a dangdut and I was sure I wouldn't like it. The music's just not my taste. I got a friend who would take me there. We went there, had a table for us, and a freaking costly coke each. The place was dark, smelly, smokey and the music was bad. Not many people, just another table of 5 people, all of which I thought were drunk, until my friend told me, they were on pills. They were not dancing, but they moved. It almost looked like they were worshipping of some sort. I thought that was very frightening.

The tomboy, saw my friend and I. She came to us and offered us discounts on the drinks which I never asked. Discount?? She went away and then she brought the girl to our table. She had to hold the girl to walk upright, like helping a very weak person. I was surprised because I thought the girl got sick or something. Well, she was all dressed up like a GRO, and she was like supposed to keep us entertained. When I looked at her, I was shocked to see her eyes. Since when had she got lazy-eyes? I didn't ask my friend but instead the girl took a seat at our table looking at me like she never knew me before. I felt funny because she kept on smiling. After asking her a few questions and didn't manage to understand what she said, I left along with my friend. It was then I know that the girl was on pills when I friend told me. I promised myself not come back ever again.

Months passed by, and she called me again. The tomboy hit her again. There was a big fight in the dangdut too that night. She asked me for help and this time, I decided to not to intervene. I did call her father and told him what happened though. Her father thanked me and said that he would go and get her the next day.

The last I heard was she went back to her father. The husband divorced her and she got married to another man. She now has a child.

It's a long story but the experience was valuable to me. We do not know what the possibilities are for our kids. But we can easily help make our house a better place for them, and make ourselves better parents. It's us actually who do not understand the kids and the challenges they are facing through.

For what I know, she was involved with the tomboy for easily 7 years. That is far too much time to waste for a person.